For starters, I want to thank everyone for their continued support since July 27th. I just don’t know what we would do without it. There are times during each day where I am perfectly fine and then all of the sudden I will remember that my sister is gone. How can this be? Surely it isn’t true. I still don’t believe it. It has been hard for me to express how I am feeling on a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week basis. But what comes to mind is the word “WAVE”. So I did some googling, and I found this, from Tuesdays With Morrie. I loved this book and although I don’t remember reading this excerpt specifically, I will reflect upon it often going forward:
“I heard a nice little story the other day,” Morrie says. He closes his eyes for a moment and I wait.
“Okay. The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He’s enjoying the wind and the fresh air — until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore. “
“‘My God, this is terrible,’ the wave says ‘Look what’s going to happen to me!’”
“Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him, ‘Why do you look so sad?’ “
“The first wave says, ‘You don’t understand! We’re all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn’t it terrible?’ “
“The second wave says, ‘No, you don’t understand. You’re not a wave, you’re part of the ocean.’ “
I smile. Morrie closes his eyes again.
“Part of the ocean,” he says. “Part of the ocean.” I watch him breathe, in and out, in and out.
❤ One of my dearest friends and former neighbor from St. Louis lost her husband very suddenly and very tragically nearly 4 years ago, and she said it best to me the other day. | Time goes on, but you never stop hurting. There is a hole in your heart, and it will always be there. It will never get smaller. But you learn to live around it. BIG love grows around it, never filling it, but making life worth living. | Bingo. I think I relate to feeling like a “wave” because my feelings and emotions are so unpredictable. Sometimes I can’t even feel myself beginning to crash. But I am always able to pick myself up after a good cry, a single tear, or a laugh from a memory shared, because I remember that although this terrible thing happened, I am still a part of something wonderful going forward. I am a part of the ocean; my new world. It is not the world I imagined. It is not the world I hoped for. But it IS what it IS and I have simply chosen to do what I said I would do: HONOR SHANNON by learning from her. Remembering the good. Thinking of happy times. I can hear her laugh, her voice and I can see her face. She is gone but not forgotten, and I will make it my life’s mission to keep her memory alive for Connor and Danny… FOREVER.
My little family closed on our house in STL last week, packed (with the help of some of the most amazing people in the world… you know who you are), and are now just waiting to get possession of our new house here in INDY. I will miss my friends and my neighbors, and of course Doug’s family, but I know that we are doing the right thing. Haven’t doubted it once for a single second. And luckily, I married the most wonderful man in the UNIVERSE, so there’s that, too! 😉
So many good things have happened lately. Some of which I think people would like kept private, but I don’t think I’ll be able to not share all of the amazing things that have happened SOON! But it is all just so wonderful. I have so much thanks in my heart. We also made some new life long friends from England, and the timing for our new friendships couldn’t have been better.
Connor & Danny have expressed their questions/concerns/excitement for the big move to their counselors who have shared it with me and the cutest thing I took away from it all is that BOTH boys are just excited to have their friends spend the night. Of all the things they could be worried about with this brand new life before them, and they just want “NORMAL.” So you better believe we will be hosting a few of those overnights coming up real soon! They are doing really, really well. I have been gone for a few weeks, but mom, Chrissy and Janet have been able to fill me in on happenings and overall, they are doing fabulous. They really are the 2 strongest little boys in the world!
I worked a lot tonight and before I sign off wanted to share some prints I made for their new AMAZING room. MY WISH is something I will share with them going forward. The print about BEING KIND is something someone posted on Facebook the other day. And then the one about the 3 things… that was on Shannon’s Pinterest Board. I think we’ve got a good start to some important conversations to be had over time regarding how much Doug and I love them. In the meantime, wish us luck with this transition and as soon as we are settled, ANYONE is welcome to stop by!!!