Moms are human, too.

I don’t think I come across like I have it all together, but just incase I do, I want to set the record ruler straight. I am, 91% of the time, a hot mess. And by a “hot mess” I mean that if I am not sweating by the time I get into my car in the morning, something is terribly wrong. Or rather, maybe everything is right. Either way. I always keep deodorant in my car.

I wanted to share about my day yesterday because it was an all time low day for me and I personally get strange satisfaction from reading posts similar to this because it makes me feel so much less alone. To put things in perspective, I know that it could have been worse and I know that these kind of days are the thread that unites every mother in the world. My normal right now goes something like this…

6-6:30: Shannon cries for like 10 seconds. And then she stops crying. And then about 10-20 minutes later she wastes no time before screaming like she is skydiving without a parachute. So I run and grab her because I don’t have wake the big boys up until 6:45 and those last lazy minutes are invaluable to me. (Unless of course it is a morning band practice day, or a Friday when Doug has carpool duty. Sorry. I got off track.)

6:40: My alarm clock goes off and I slowly start making moves before, during and after Shannon starts lovingly smacking me in the face to make sure I know she is indeed ready to seize the day.

6:45: I wake up the boys and Danny pops right up. Connor could sleep through an Earthquake. Ironically, he is deathly afraid of natural disasters and he cannot FALL asleep for anything. Anyway. I usually plop baby down on his bed and she transfers her hitting fit to his face, which results in a mini snuggle fest because he will literally only wake up for baby.

6:51: I scurry around the kitchen making Shannon her beloved scrambled eggs with whole milk and begin sorting out what I will make for everyone else.

6:52: I mentally prepare myself for Ryan to join me because the green light on his “Okay to wake!” clock goes on at 6:50AM. (To be fair, today was only the 2nd day in a row that he has actually “slept in”. Prior to that he woke up before 6 and crept into our room every single morning. And we dealt out depressing punishments like “no syrup today because you didn’t make it until the green light” that up until 2 days ago held no weight whatsoever. Still. 2 days in a row. There is hope.)

6:53-7:01: Danny comes down and asks me what he can do to help me. I get lunches for those who bring lunch and set them where they will make it into book bags. I pour cereal, make more eggs, oatmeal, or pop waffles in the toaster, depending on who wants what.

7:01-7:14: Connor blesses us with his presence. I take a lot of deep breaths. We quickly verbalize after school plans, commitments & I offer a reminder for who is picking up carpool. We listen to music and sometimes we dance.

7:15-7:25: Someone takes the kids to school. #bestcarpoolever

7:25-8:30: I chase the littles around and do whatever needs to be done to ensure we don’t violate any health codes at school and somehow get them in the car so that I can drop Ryan to SLDM (MWF), or Peter Panda (TTH) and the girls are either just along for the ride or proceed to Peter Panda (TWTH).

8:30-9:07 (because I usually run late): Drop offs occur and are complete. Let’s stick with a day that everyone is in school to make things a little easier. I drop Ryan at SLDM and then the girls at PP. I go home so that I can try to accomplish work for Mama Said Tees and or CoCo Stine Designs mixed with a little bit of housework/laundry/feeding myself so I don’t faint.

Ok so YESTERDAY when I got home, I felt quite content with my accomplishments thus far and settled in to get some work done. I suffered some pretty serious damages a few days ago because quite frankly there is just too much shit on my computer, and so I was trying to keep my chin up and move on. Colleen B. and I got some very serious work done and by the time I looked at the clock it was 1:39. Time to make a sandwich and hit the road to pickup the girls!

I will spare you details from the time I left my house to picking them up and then getting to SLDM for big kid pickup (which I only have 2 days a week!) because it’s just a whole lot of “Mommy I hungreeee” and Peppa Pig. I usually have quite a bit of time to kill since their school ends at 2 and the big kids don’t get out until 3:10 or something like that, so if it’s nice, I get my car into a prime pickup spot and we go play on the playground! Well for some reason the gate was closed yesterday, and Maddie announced she had to go potty anyhow, so I just parked and was eager to get her to a bathroom. Except then I got Shannon out of her carseat and realized that she just had the biggest dump of her life and pooped through everything. To spare the school staff from vomiting I got my handy little diaper changing mat out and changed her right outside the car. Luckily/accidentally I had an extra outfit for her in my bag, so I threw that on her, put the dirties into a plastic bag, tied it up, threw it in my bag, picked them both up, and ran like superwoman to get Maddie to the potty. Next thing I know, Maddie is crying because she didn’t pull her pants down far enough and pooped all over her underwear. She scooted just enough that it then got all over the toilet seat. So. What to do with Shannon since I only have 2 arms and we are in a bathroom and she is attracted to all toilets and their contents. Let’s just say that I got through it, and we found ourselves back outside just in time to go get the boys.

Connor must have had his mind made up to set a record for arguing with me before he got out of last period, so we battled to the car, inside the car, and on the way home. I had to quickly drop him off, then our carpool buddy, in order to make it back to school to pick Danny up from church band/choir practice at 3:45. But Ryan was hungry. So I grab him a snack at home and continued on my stressed out way. I get to school and park next to my pal Erin, and I didn’t even have my window rolled all the way down for a chat before I burst into tears about raising a pre-teen. Now here is where it gets good. Or bad. Yes. VERY BAD. I vaguely remember Ryan asking me if he could get out and go play on the playground because he saw his really good buddy Luke W! I continue with my sob fest until Danny comes out, and then I transfer my sob story to him. We leave school and I cry and cry and eventually Danny says to me… “Uh mom. Where is Ryan?” Some of you probably already figured out that I left Ryan behind since I am so detail oriented with my story telling and I didn’t mention that he got back into the car. But. Danny. Don’t be ridiculous. He’s buckled in the back of the car of course. Except. OH. MY. HOLY. SONOFABITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am the mom in Home Alone only my kids’ name isn’t Kevin, and it’s September and we aren’t in Chicago and I’m not on an airplane. I remember that Maddie is watching Daniel Tiger on my phone so I pull over, grab my phone, and see that I have some missed calls and also some friendly texts that Ryan is still at school. Smiley faces. Exclamation points. In good hands. F!!!!! In a panic I answer a call from the best lady ever who assures me that he’s fine and playing on the playground and my friend Christine will bring him home. I felt like I was going to explode. I was so caught up in my literally shitty day that I forgot my own son at school. Who have I become!? Ryan told me not to worry because it wasn’t my fault ANYWAY it was Connor’s fault for being a turd. HA! Smart boy 🙂

I am so thankful that Ry was so well tended to and that I have not gotten a call from the Fishers police about my negligence. Let’s just say that the rest of the day didn’t get much better. But I got a lot of encouraging words from people who have “been there, done that” or who know that it is SO unlike me. It could happen to anyone. But I still felt like crap. I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept replaying what could have happened. And I also couldn’t stop thinking about Connor. And how tricky he can be. And how hard it is to raise kids to be good, kind people. And then this morning I got a text from Christine who told me to give myself a break. Moms are human, too. And then I realized she is right. And so there you have it! Cat is out of the bag. I am just like every other mom who feels pretty if she brushes her teeth let alone her hair and who knows that life isn’t perfect and that that’s ok. I’m human. A super, duper lucky one.